and you said cock pushups were impossible
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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