dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
do nipples grow back?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
