Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
