i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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