She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
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