Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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