He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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