Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize