he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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