Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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