Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.