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Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
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