i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
