he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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