I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
