fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize