dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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