you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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