i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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