HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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