Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
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I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
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and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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