The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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