I never want to see another naked old woman again.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize