Just fell off a train. Bad.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
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Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
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Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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