non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i love accidental penises.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
