Too much gin, very little bucket
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize