P.S. I can't hear my feet
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
