hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
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The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
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googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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