i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
