you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
