Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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