I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
