What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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