She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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