I can tuck mytits in my pants
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
