Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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