how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
