fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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