okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.