Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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