I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just pee around me
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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