I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
