I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
