mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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