I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize