Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
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my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
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He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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