I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
