About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
