Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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