u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
