I wannas sexs uuuuu
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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