Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize